Seasons, blessings, and buts

I freshened up the blog a little, I think it looks cute :) Diggin' the lime green pattern! So yes, it has been awhile since I have updated this thing. I thought I share a few things that have been pressing on my heart lately, and just have an opportunity to be candid and real.

First of all, I have been going through a super long season with the Lord. I have been brought to a place where God has trusted me with His silence. And that is wording it nicely. I have felt alone and desperate for words from the Lord and I have wept over this "silent treatment". I was at a point where I felt that there was no point in trying anymore and was beyond okay with living a complacent life, knowing full well that that kind of life is not what I have been called to. I was slumpy. I slumped around not really caring about anything because my Father, my Savior, my God that I say that I serve was ignoring me and I didn't know why. I would love to say that this season has passed but it hasn't. BUT there is a but!

I have been reading a Psalm a day for a little over a month now. These are my power verses that get me pumped in the morning for the rest of the day. I feel like David and I are on the same page with lots of things in expressing ourselves to the Lord. Frequently David is crying out to the Lord for him to hear his cry. The beginning of many of his psalms, David is expressing his real and raw feelings. But there's always a but at the end. He combats his feelings with the truths of God and by assuring himself of the things that he knows and needs to be reminded of.

One thing I do know is that God is not neglecting me, because He can't. He has not forgotten me because He can't. I know that if I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me (James 4:8). God has given us an amazing resource that does not return void (Isaiah 55:11). Everything we need for our journey here on earth is in the Bible. We have to use this tool. So the whole "God is ignoring me" deal is not a truth at all! I am actually ignoring him by not opening up the word and I am expecting him to do all the work. Totally messed up and totally all on me. I have to daily remind myself of the truth to fight against the lies that so easily creep in. After all, the Word is the only offensive tool that we have against these lies (Ephesians 6:17). I am so thankful that there is a "but"!

Despite God's silence, he still has been blessing me! I am so incredibly blessed to have not one, but two internships that I LOVE and both dealing with marketing. I mean, I would've been fine with one but with two I can definitely say that he orchestrated every detail of the job searching process. They're both paid, which allows me to live down here in Newport News for the summer and one will even extend into the whole school year which is exactly what I needed and was looking for. To top it off I love what I do. I love that I'm using the things that I have learned in marketing classes and experience them in two different industries. I have also finally found a church home. I go to Liberty Baptist in Hampton which was seriously the last place that I thought I would be. I'm excited to set my roots down and get involved in a church after being so floaty for almost 2 and a half years. He is a God who provides and he certainly has provided beyond my expectations.

Although I can't tell you that I'm loving this season, I can tell you that it is good. All of these things are working together for my good (Romans 8:28). And I know that perseverance through trial is only maturing my faith, which is actually really awesome (James 1:2). It's tough! BUT, I have those buts to cling to--those bits of truth that provide the reassurance I need for those moments. This is season is good because He is good, and He is God.

So I say all of that to say to you, don't cease to remind yourself of the truth. We are bombarded with lies and the temptation to let our hearts slip into unbelief at an intense rate, and we cannot afford to fight against them. It's not a matter of "if" they come, because they will most definitely. I can attest to that at this point. Your enemy, the devil wants you to have a heart of unbelief. Don't forget his mission in life! So when you go through those seasons of doubt, complacency, indifference and discouragement, know that there is truth in the word to see you through it. Use the tool you've been given and know that your Father loves you intensely and will never leave you nor forsake you! (Deuteronomy 31:6).