First off, I graduated on Sunday from CNU! After fearing rain all week, it ended up being the hottest 3 hours of my life. I roasted. Awkward black caps and gowns and velor hoods did not help the situation either, and the fact that the marketing department was the second to last department to graduate. I couldn't see a thing, hear a thing, and was more worried about not melting from the sun, but that didn't squelch the joy I felt when I walked across that stage. I'm pretty sure I smiled the whole time.
And of course, the all-too-common question of, "so what are you doing now that you've graduated?" And that is still up in the air. Hopefully, it involves finding a job so that I can do what I love. Looking for jobs has been such a humbling and trying experience for me. I have had two close job opportunities that would have been dream jobs, quickly disseminate. I've doubted God and his will, I've surrendered it to only take it back up again, I've been hopeful to only be frustrated again, I've felt defeat and have even cried. Let's just say it's been an emotional road so far!
Amidst all my fears and constant ability to push my Provider out of the picture, He has continued to pursue me. Psalm 62:11-12 talks about how He is strong and that He loves me. Not to mention this song as well! Two things that I need to be reminded of constantly. I'll be honest. My walk with the Lord has been slim to none and has been neglected. Once you get out of a routine or cycle, it's so hard to pick back up. My busyness from the past 4 weeks has damaged that routine of constantly being in Scripture. Psalm 1 reminded me the other night that in order to be righteous and to yield fruit, I HAVE to be rooted in Scripture day and night--something I have been missing for awhile.
I've found it to be really hard to swallow the fact that I have heard and seen so many people prospering. Don't get me wrong, I'm super stoked for them! A lot of my classmates had jobs lined up while we were finishing up school, everyone was talking about their new jobs at graduation, or people were traveling to amazing places for months on end. I think we can all agree that it's hard not to view success through the eyes of the world. And I will be the first to admit that I fell prey to this mindset--weighing my lack of "success" in not getting a job right out of college. After all, I worked my butt off all throughout college, I deserved a good job. How self-centered and self-righteous was my thinking!
David in Psalm 73 was spot on in my thinking for the past few weeks. He was having a hard time understanding how it was that everyone around him was prospering in wealth, had good health, lived such carefree lives, etc when they weren't following the will of their Maker. They found success in their sin while David toiled and struggled in his purity and innocence. I love the Psalms because there's always a "but"...
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.- Psalm 73:28
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.- Psalm 73:28
Despite all of those worldly "successes", it is far better to be near God. This verse sums up my real job here on this earth: to be near God and to tell the world about Him. I needed this reminder so desperately! So if you're looking for jobs just like me, do NOT be discouraged! Yes, it is tough. But He is God, and He is greater than the unemployment rate and our nation's economy. It's a fantastic learning and growing opportunity, but only if you let it!
So be near to Him, take refuge in Him and proclaim Him!
